Is this thing on?
It's been a while, wasn't it? Things didn't go very much as i expected, like how i got a massive burnout from making this site, but here we are, trough thick and think.
Well i did some extra renders here in there, nothing spetacular or extremely revolutionary as i imagined, frankly is like i have hit a wall, incapable of trully developing much further. What pissed me off was posting 3 emergency renders in a year, at least 2 of those were made in the same year and weren't rooting in my files like the "retarded sunset", with a very fitting name.
But the Ritsu birtday one was disgusting, i was really going insane and wondering if i could get away with something low effort with toonish-shading, very questionable of my part to do an experiment like this and the awnser is a resounding "NO", which is reliefing in the sense that there are still people with standards and taste but infuriating that i didn't find a cheat code to sucess, well besides using popular synths, speaking of which i am going to try experiment a little more, specially Defoko, i always wanted to do renders with her and her mini renascense thanks to synthv teto is indeed an interesting oportunity.
Back to the second topic, another thing that really got frustaded with myself is animation, i just can't fucking do it no matter how hard i try, it eithers look ridiculously choppy or i hit a stupid snag thanks to my fuckery with the models. Animation really seams like something with a good interest, judging by what passes as good nowdays, outside of MMD mind you, really simplistic shadings, with everything invested on the animation itself, voices and of course, humor, and overall a complete inverse of my skillset in 3D.
Dispite everything, i still stand by Ford's quote, if you ask the avarage voicesynth fan, or fuck it, the utaufag with a lot of esoteric knowlage what kind of fanart they would like to see of thier characters, nobody* would say "MMD models in photo-realistic lighting". But i do believe on what i do has potential, that something great can in fact be created by using a real 3D software and realist lighting. But alas, it may take some time for me to trully learn this, out of my ego and taste to not do 1 generic miku render a week or simply a skill issue.
You know something i been wating since 1 year after i learned MMD? A rival, someone who i would look foward to outmatching and they would try to match me as well, i believe it would be the motivation i need to re-invent myself and discover new techniques. The next statement may be extremely egocentric of my part, but i am yet to find a worthy opponent, few MMD users trully pushed the boundaries of what that software can do, but i never had the pleasure to cross paths with those individuals, and many have left art or the internet a long ago. But with blender? I don't think it's a fair comparison, aggainst the mmd noobies or even the legendary artists of old in most instances, MMD is in fact a glorified model viewer with animation support, and basic shading with the MME pluin, where as blender is simply THE industry standard generalist 3D software.
Now i did find some interesting people, some with the knowlage of Ritsu's existance and of 3D renderering, but never putting those two toghetter, voicesynth blender 3D artists(what a mouthfull) are popping up in recent times, to the popular synths of course, but it may one day trickle down into the depths of this fandom, as i hinted earlier they are mostly animators who make simple and funny(sometimes) skits, but in the japanese fandom i seen some absolutely insane and crazy stuff, a lot of eye candy with little substance sure, but still technically impressive. But nobody doing the exact thing i do, even back in my MMD days you would have some Ritsu artist here and there doing MMD renders, but i believe those guys left nowdays, or just became extremely innactive.
I gonna be honest, what i do is not hard, sure i may suffer a lot in some renders, get tired, get annoyed, get silly, but at the end of the day? Is not hard once you learn it, recently what i struggled most is ideas, and trying to do things that are new to me, i really don't get it how i am seamily the only one doing what i do. As i said before, is not hard, someone else could have gotten the same models and beat me to the punch, but in 2 whole years nobody ever tried. It's hard to imagine new talent getting here, considering the most obscure parts of the fandom are dying out and the populars synths are getting inflated a lot further than the bouble, and i guess is natural for artists gravitates towards this, it's what everyone is talking about, it's what's getting updated, it's what have new things coming out, it's what people are mastur- You get the idea.
I have been thinking a lot of moving out, searching for my fortune in some other fandom, but i just couldn't, not only is starting from 0 again, but i simply don't enjoy anything else to the point i want to make renders about it, i am in fact OBSESSED with utau and i can't see myself trully leaving unless something catastrophic that will tricke down into the utau sub-fandom happens, but i may just stay around, very bitter but still doing my own thing. I have considered the touhou fandom, it's really big with a lot of artists doing various things and quite similar to my line of work, but i still believe i could stand out, maybe meet the right group, form some bounds, stuff like this, the problem is that i don't like touhou very much, none of the characters really captivate me, to the point i want to do renders with them, they also aren't as much of a blank slate as most voicesynths are.
But to finish it off i don't think i am going anywhere any time soon, i am not as skilled as i should be, or have the "correct" mentality to make what is popular and in demand. I may have been late to the party, most of the great artists and events related to utau have already happen. But my works will transced my person and i march foward until the very end.
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